it really is time

Maybe I sound like a big baby or complainer. Maybe I just seem like a huge pessimist. But my main reasons for deciding to leave the military is: I'm just plain tired. I'm exhausted. I'm sure it could be thought that I'm just one big quitter because I can't deal with 10 more years of it and I truly don't care. I've already gave 10 years of my life to this job and its taken a toll on everything in my life.

And I'll be completely honest, if I wasn't forced to get a new job and I could have stayed in graphics for my 20, I think I would've been all over it. But they decided they didn't want to keep the job around, so everyone had to find a new source of employment opportunity in place of that job. I just happened to end up in a job I truly hate. Not everyone does and I'm glad for them, but most of the time I feel like there's no real purpose. That I'm forced to give up all of me and my family, for nothing. Basically as long as I'm another warm body filling the seat, me and mine don't really matter.

Everyone I work with tells me this job isn't that bad at every base, just this one. And yes, they're probably right and I should just wait to move somewhere else before I make a rash decision. And I probably should. But this place has left a bad taste in my mouth. It's left me feeling drained. I also feel that a job that tells me that my family is less important than my job (which my boss has recently explained) isn't a place I belong in. Maybe he can turn that switch and feels that dedicated, but I don't share those views. My family is the only reason I'm still where I am. I do my job, but that's it. I don't have some deep seeded need to go above and beyond that. Which really isn't like me at all.

I keep thinking maybee this is the big neon sign I need to do something without always playing it safe. The last 10 years have been interesting to say the least and I'm grateful for the learning experience, but I really feel this is my time to step away from this life and finally do something I'd wake every morning wanting to do.

I wonder if that will ever happen or will I fail in the process? I fear failure as much as I hate liars. It leaves an awful feeling in my gut, especially when you're working for someone who is probably one of the biggest I've ever met. If you can't trust the person in charge, who can you trust?