Rules to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Just a few things to remember when a zombie apocalypse happens in your neighborhood:

1. When in a room with someone who's just become a zombie, don't just stand there like a moron looking at them in shock, run for your life.

2. The dog will be fine, I promise you. The zombies are too slow for him. And they really don't want him.

3. Aim for the head. Seriously, I don't know how much I can stress this. Whether its a gun, arrow, knife or baseball bat, aim for the head. It's the only way to really take them.

4. If you're a douche bag hanging out with other survivors and you do douchey things, like strand others or push some innocent person around, you will eventually die. And no one will miss you. Or care.

5. Once the military's in the picture (because they will be, it's just how those things go) rank goes out the window. Really far out the window because it's all about survival at that point. No one cares that you used to be a colonel when somethings trying to eat and kill you.

6. If you choose to stay on the road, steal a really big SUV. Avoid any vehicles that lack windows or doors. You are trying to survive, after all. Hell, steal an effing Humvee. Who's going to really need at that point? Zombies can't drive. I say go big or go home. How much trouble would you be in? There won't enough cops to do anything about it.

7. Hole out in a huge, well protected place. If it's a mall, go for it. There will be plenty of shopping to be had. Preferably one that has a grocery store in it. You won't have to worry about food until the power goes out.

8. Load up on as many weapons as possible. You may not know how to use them yet, but you can learn. You'll have plenty of time on your hands to teach yourself.

9. Where ever you end up, please make sure you lock the door. Just because zombies are dead doesn't mean they won't have the luck to accidentally open the door.

10. Never go anywhere by yourself. It's just an unspoken rule. Anything can happen when wandering by yourself. Like being attacked. By zombies.

11. When on the run and taking off in a car, make sure you lock all the windows and doors. (See # 9) It might just save your life.

12. Stick with your family. You'd never be able to live with yourself if you left them behind (unless you really don't like your family and in that case a zombie apocalypse really won't help your issues).

13. When the world starts over, because it will eventually, try not to act like zombies aren't on the other side of the wall. Chances are they're still out there and they still want your pretty, pretty brains.

14. People will go crazy. That is just a fact when facing the end of the world. Try to avoid these crazies; they never bring anything good with them.

These are just some things I've learned while watching zombie movie marathons. I take a lot of notes when watching zombie movies and The Walking Dead. And I sometimes put too much thought into what would happen if the world suddenly ceased to exist and everyone that died sprung back to life trying to eat me.

Let's just say I'm well prepared in the event that it does happen.

Of course, knowing my luck when that happens I'll be in the middle of the desert, far away from civilization.