First dances and other preteen things like growing up.....

She's officially a 7th grader now and today she's the big 12. It's another one of those friendly reminders that makes me realize she's growing up faster than I'd really like.

The year of 11 was a year of firsts, for both of us. She started middle school and had her first school dance ever. She's more into hair than she ever was and more into clothes (she's starting to "borrow" mine). She found a love of a sport (volleyball) and a love of music (she loves playing the flute). This past year was my first time not getting hugs during school drop-off. If I was lucky, I'd get a kiss on the cheek, but it was more of a tip of the ear kind of good-bye. Yeah, I'm still trying to figure that out myself. I had the joy of school dance pick-up that included a very sweaty preteen who almost lost her voice. I found that she and her friends apparently think we all came out of the womb as adults and did nothing but be grown-ups. And I completely get that one, I remember thinking the same thing. But I feel like she's too young to pretend I'm not her mother.

This is my future. I can feel it in my bones.

One day she'll look at me like I'm Regina George's mom. And I will embrace it and embarrass her. I'm looking forward to it.

But I digress. This post is in honor of the kiddo that came out crying and full of spite fire.

She's one of kind, that for sure. She's got a mind of her own (and we all know she's been like that since birth) and is more opinionated than I ever figured she would be. She's got the sarcasm, the attitude and quick wit I consider smart aleck-ness. She's a reader and writer and her imagination is crazy (but in the best way possible). She's focused student who worries about doing well in school. How else would she get into Oxford? And I'm not one of those crazy mom's who puts an absurd amount of pressure on their kid to make sure she's the best. If anything, I usually have to tell her to relax because she's put too much pressure on herself. The idea to go to Oxford is all hers.

She's worrier and sometimes a bit of politician. She always wants everyone to be happy and (even if she doesn't realize it) when she thinks the people she cares about aren't anything but happy, she'll try her darnedest to get them there.

She's my kiddo and very much a mini me and I would not change her for the world. She's one of kind and I'm so glad she's in my life because she's made it so much better.

Now enough mushiness. I can remember when she fit comfortably in my arms:

Now I've only got a few more years before she's taller than me. Seriously, this photo is not lying. She's four inches shorter than me . . . 

But, bub, I love you and have a great 12th birthday!!!!!!!

miss b and the boy(s)

*sniff* I start this post feeling a little sad. Not because I'm actually sad, but there's just one more realization that the kiddo's growing up faster than I'd like.

It's started. The whole process of her about to hit puberty has begun. The kiddo has liked boys in her class before. She even had her first (very chaste) kiss when she was five. Now she's officially crushing on a boy and its not just because she thinks he's cute. It's the kind of crush when you see how your name sounds with their last name. I would say I'm surprised, but 10 is around the time I hit my boy crazy stage.

So I'll call him The Boy. And the boy is a blond 11-year-old who swears (the word of choice is crap), wears jerseys and is in need of a haircut. I see him as a teenage bad boy. Her crush makes total sense because she is her mother's daughter. 

But. Of course there's a but. There's another boy. Let's call him The Other Boy. He's the nice friendly one with good manners that the kiddo is friends with (she and The Boy have a like/dislike kind of friendship). She insists she just likes him as a friend, but she forgets I've known her for over 11 years and there's not much she can hide from me (right now, at least). And I'm a girl and once upon a time I was a little girl with a crush on boys in my grade. I know the signs. 

Now, as her mom and as a former kid, I feel the need to point out 

I'd prefer for her to crush on The Other Boy because:

a) he doesn't seem threatened by her smarts like The Boy does

b) he seems to have as much motivation and determination to succeed in everything he does

c) he reads as much as she does - they're even in the same advanced reading group

d) he has more in common with the the kiddo than The Boy

e) he's an all around nice kid

When I tell her this, I get dirty looks and the rolling of eyes because, well, what do I know about the opposite sex? According to her I never dated until I met her dad and apparently have not dated since (in her mind that's my life story).

Of course, I'm hinting at The Other Boy for when she's allowed to date at 25. 

some days I'm okay

Some days I really am okay. Everything's good, I'm happy and the world seems on an even keel. Everything in life is going really well.

And then there are the bad moments. Those are the times that suck. Those are the ones I dread. They start off woth perfectly normal, "okay" days. Then something happens, a song on a radio, a book I see, or a a TV show scene and its July of 2011 all over again. I feel helpless, alone and inconsolable. All I want to do is find a dark room to curl up in and cry. It always happens at the most inconvenient moments, too.

I kind of hate those moments. Not because they sometimes happen at the most inopportune moments that make me feel like Brendan Fraser's sensitive guy in Bedazzled.

It's because I feel okay most of the time and suddenly I'm not. Suddenly I'm a little girl who just wants her mommy to make everything okay again. All I want is to pick up the phone and tell her how crappy I'm feeling at that moment because she was the person I'd call when I had a bad or good moment. But I can't anymore and that makes it worse.

I'll get sad and wonder why some girls get to keep their moms for longer than 30 thirty, whether they like them or not. I'll wonder where the fairness is in that - Why did she have to get sick? Why couldn't she be cured? Why is she the one missing out on her grand kid's biggest moments, biggest achievements? Why did she have to leave me?

Then there's the guilt. The guilt is sometimes worse than the sadness. The guilt that I couldn't do more for her, that I couldn't save her, that I'm still here and she's not. And with the guilt and sadness come a few tears that I feel makes me look like an unhinged mess.

But then there's a little voice in the back of my head and it's usually my mom's (not in some creepy Norman Bates kind of way, it's more a friendly reminder of what my mom always said during her last year) She didn't want me to stop living just because she wasn't around. She wouldn't want me wallowing in self pity. A couple of minutes here and there, but not lying and bed refusing to get out. That's what she always said. That and if I became like one of those hoarders on TV that refused to get rid of any of her stuff, she'd haunt me until I got my act together.

That's usually around the time I realize I was kind lucky to have had her in my life for as long as I did, that I had her for a mom. Some people lose their mom's before they're old enough to walk. B and I were both lucky enough to have had her to spend time with. It's kind of my "ah" moment.

So, yeah.

Some days I'm okay.

stop being so judgy

Seriously, some people need to just stop. Just because my family isn't their version of conventional, there's no need for the stink eye, nose upturned kind of attitude.

I get it. The fact that I had my kid young and *gasp* out of wedlock, might sound disturbing. And, wait for it, I choose  to be a single unwed mother. Because, as we all know, single mothers are the reason there's sooooo many problems with the world. Yeah, that's it. Because my daughter could never lead a normal productive life both parents weren't in the picture.

Oh. Wait. We both are. We're just not together. Because we realized long before she was born that us together would make us both unhappy people. Which we knew would eventually lead to an unhappy, maladjusted kid. I know, what were we thinking, right? Making a ridiculously adult decision like that.

Why am I bitching about this? The other day, I was basically told in not so many (nice) words that I was in the wrong as a parent because a) I had my kid too young, b) I was going to hell because I had sex before marriage and c) I was screwing up my kid's life because we never got married and she has 2 different households. "It just isn't a healthy environment for her".

I took a calming breath (because I was pretty close to punching her out) before pointing out that a) yes, I was young, but 20 isn't that young. I also had a very well-paid full-time job and insurance that I didn't have to worry about, b) yes, I did, but it's the 21st century and not many people are celibate these days. Sex before marriage isn't some new trend I started all on my own. Yes, I happened to get pregnant, but sometimes shit happens. Having  my kid, whatever the situation isn't something I'll ever regret and there's no way she could ever make me feel ashamed. C) Yup, B has two different households. And she likes it that way. She has a bunch of people who love her more than anything and that will drop everything to be by her side. Having people care - yeah, that's real unhealthy for any kid. She's one of the most well-adjusted kids I've ever met and I'm comparing her to kids that have both parents married and living together (and I am not saying kids that come from that kind of household are messed up, because I'm not, so no one get their feathers all ruffled. I just mean B's just as well-adjusted) . One thing I can say two households has really helped her with is that she's rolls with the punches and change so easily. Sudden change in an environment isn't something she even blinks it. My kid is loved and that's a hell of a lot more important than whether or not her mother and father have a little piece of paper. Our family situation isn't perfect and doesn't work for everyone. We all work our butts off to make it work for everyone in our family and for B. And it works for us.

I very kindly thanked her for very unrealistic and very misguided opinion and walked away.

So what's the point of this long and vent-filled post? It's dedicated to the woman (who's name I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I never want to know) who's apparently stuck in the 19th century with her skewed views, who feels the need to point out if you're not living your life like hers, you're in the wrong. Your opinion doesn't mean jack squat to me. Lady, I'm allowed to live my life as I choose with no regrets and no need to justify it to you. Just like you're entitled to be an ignorant dumb-ass.

But I'm not judging you.

the kid I got stuck with . . .

amazes me at times. Like seriously leaves me speechless sometimes. And that is very hard to do.

She's ten. Ten and a half, according to her, because she's that much closer to eleven than ten these days.

She amazes me because she's on top of her homework on a daily basis. There's never any need to remind her to get it done. She also freaks out if she doesn't get it done on time, but that's never happened before. Because she's on top of it. Her school planner has every assignment written and checked off.

(she gets right into her homework as soon as she gets home from school- we never have to remind her)

A perfect example - being a 5th grader and California student, she has a state report that's due in April. It's comprised of about 10-12 different projects, including postcards, full 3-5 page paper, and the state's flag. They're not allowed to do California and B had a whole list of states she ranked in order of her favorites. Her first choice was Colorado because she's "a Coloradoan". Her exact words and cannot convince her that she was just born there so that doesn't make her a Coloradoan. Even though I have pointed out numerous times that she's hasn't set foot in the state in 9 years. But I digress.

B worried for weeks about not getting a state she wanted. Seriously. She had dreams about it. When she got her first choice she celebrated.

Her school participates in the AR (accelerated reader) program and the kids are required to read at least 15 minutes a night and log it. When they're done with a book they take an online test about the book. Each book is worth a certain number of points and her teacher said once they reach a certain number of points, they don't have to keep a log anymore. The kid reached that number back in November.

Her teacher also wants them keep track of the number of pages they read during those 15 minutes. One of B's friends who was in her teacher's class last year read 900 pages during the school year. One of her fifth grade goals was to surpass his number. I'm not at all surprised because this is how we usually find her:

Another goal of hers? Starting her own business before she goes into 6th grade.

That's not the only reason she amazes me. She's been planning her college career since she was 8. Her goal is get a full scholarship to Oxford University. She's put together a list of alternate schools just in case the money doesn't pan out, but Oxford is first choice because "it's the best college in the world". Her words. I kid you not.

She's the kid in class that gets in trouble for reading when it's math time and she's done with all her work. And when we punish her for talking back, lying, normal kid stuff, we take away her books for a couple of days. Though now she's getting a little more into the Lego video games (hell, who am I kidding? So am I) and her iPod, so it's a little more leverage.

She has more of her dad's patience than mine (which is a great thing for her) when it comes to most things. Except talking to people. Because she's such a talker (like her lovely mom) when she has conversations with people and they're saying something, if she knows where they're going with their words, she'll butt right in and finish it for them if they're taking too long. I have to remind her most people don't take too kindly to that and she needs to chill about it.

She's so different than I was at her age. I was lucky if I turned in my homework on time. And college? Not even something I thought of.

No one knows where she gets it from, but I try not to dwell on it too much because I'm not sure I could actually narrow it down.

Yup, she amazes me more and more every day by being her own special little person. And I wouldn't change her for the world.

be a trendy parent

This is what the Today show told me this morning as I was getting ready for school. Be a trendy parent. Go read "50 Shades of Grey" so you can be one of those super cool party people parents. Buy this certain make-up because it'll make you hip like those other hipster parents out there.

I must be weird, because I put my foot down at being trendy. I can't say I've always been that way, but I just don't feel like being trendy is worth it. Why can't I just be myself?

First off, I won't touch "50 Shades of Grey" with a ten foot pole. Especially after the whole Twilight debacle. Twilight was sooooo trendy and I thought it'd be a good read. A whole lotta hoopla and days of my life wasted I'll never get back. Ever. And I'd really like that wasted time back.

But I digress.

Secondly, it's fine to try and be that trendy parent, but being trendy doesn't help you relate to your kids. There's that stigma today that if you're not that awesome parent that every kid wants as a parent, you suck at life. If you treat your kid like they're your kid and not your best friend, they won't ever talk to you in the future because you weren't hip.

The thing I've come to realize as a mom of kid who'll be a teen sooner rather than later is, one day you'll stop being cool. And trying to be that person that's so hip they can totally relate is not going to help. I used to think by the time B was in high school, I'd be that mom who understood all that new lingo and listened to all the music her kid did because we're so close in age how could I not?

Then I was faced with a reality check: some of her friends don't think I'm cool anymore. Not because I can't relate to them. I understand the things they have to deal with and what's headed in their direction in the future. I get the new clothing that's out there (even if I don't agree with all of it). I can even talk to most of them about their problems with some of their classmates. I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the hat. That's not why I'm not cool.

Nope.

It's because I'm a mom and not their age, so of course I would have no idea what's going on. It's as simple as that. I won't be cool or hip in their eyes because I'm not an teen like them. I'm (only) 20 years older and have nothing in common with them. I'll be too old to understand.

And I've made peace with that. I know no amount of reading some popular book with typos is going to suddenly make a trendy mom that's young and hip in B's eyes when she's a teen. In fact, it'll probably embarrass the crap out her.

But for the time being I'm still the cool mom who does her own thing and doesn't give a crap about what other people think. I don't need to be a trendy parent to try and relate to her. I can be my weird self and she's still proudly introducing me as her mother.

Until she hits middle school and realizes she's too cool to be seen with me, that is.

my anniversary

Yes, it's her birthday, but it's my 10 year anniversary. 10 years ago today I became a mom.

That doesn't seem possible because just yesterday she was learning to walk and giving sloppy kisses.

I always forget how quickly time passes until I realize how much time has passed. And then I remember to cherish the little moments because they're not going to last forever.

Because this:




Turns into this:




long before you realize it.

normalcy of tattoos

My daughter's best friend pointed out my new tattoo the other day, asking why I wrote on myself. I told her its a tattoo in memory of my mom. B shrugged it off and started talking about a movie they were going to watch, which kind of got me thinking.

Tattoos are pretty much the norm in her life when it comes to me and my side of the family. It's not unusual for her to spend the weekend with her dad and she'll see me with new ink afterwards. My mom kind of went crazy with the tattoos after her first bout with cancer. I'm talking full sleeves.

If her friends notice and say something, she'll even proudly point out how many are dedicated to her (which is 4 at the moment) It doesn't even phase her. Most of her friends parents don't have as many or any at all, so those kids are intrigued. For B, it's a part of everyday life and something that's as normal to her as going to the pool in summer. But she insists that she's only going to get one when she grows up. I grin and nod my head because who knows if that's even going to happen.

It's kind of amazing how adaptable kids really are.

sleepiness

Every night before I go to bed, I always check in her in room. It's an old habit that will never die hard and it's a habit I don't think I'll ever break. I do it to make sure she's okay, comfortable, and covered.

Most nights she's tossed the sheets as far away from her feet as possible, because she hates her feet being hot. Her stuffed animals she insisted she can't sleep without have been kicked off the island.

And I'm in awe. I get that overwhelming feeling of amazement because once upon time she spent every moment in my belly. I'm amazed that half of everything she is came from me. And right next to that feeling of amazement is that thing called unconditional love. Because I love that kid with everything that's in me.




When she's sleeping, she look like a cutie pie. And it's the only time she won't talk back :D.

Surprise! It's a New Year

2011 couldn't end quick enough for me and it was probably  one of the longest. It was the year that tested my strength and sanity and I've only recently begun to feel somewhat like my old self.

It was one of those years that I found out who I can really count on and there aren't enough words & thank you's in the world to show my appreciation. Laughter is sometimes the best medicine and those people have not lacked with the humor.

It was the year I realized that some people in your life are so self-centered they can't even grasp that other people in the world exsist or have their own things going on in life. It was also the year I decided I don't want them in my life anymore.

It was the year I knew that you can't ever take life for granted and you never know how quickly life can change. You appreciate the little things in your life, like jumping in puddles with your baby.

But 2012 is already off to a promising start. I get to spend the first day of the new year with the most important person in my life. One of my best friend is getting married and another is having a baby, so I get to be an auntie again!! :)

I've decided to make 2 very small resolutions this year: to live for myself and make my mom & daughter proud of me.

I have plenty of things I want to accomplish this year and they're all goals I hope to achieve:
- B & I are signed up for the Race For the Cure this May; it's something that's pretty important to us
- blog weekly and finish my book
- read as many books as possible because my bookshelves have been screaming at me
- catch up on all my shows, starting with Sons of Anarchy. My goal last year did not happen!

I have a feeling 2012 is going to be a pretty interesting year for the most part and it's going to be a good year.  Happy New Year, everybody!!

How Life Changes . . .

I haven't written in a very long time because truthfully, I didn't have the time or the desire to. It's the beginning of August, but this has been the craziest and worst summer of my life. My daughter turned 9, I ended my time in the military, and my mother passed away.

The latter has been the hardest on me and I'm still trying to deal with it. She'd been sick for a very long time, but she didn't seem that sick. Everything just happened rather quickly. I got to say my goodbyes, but I still feel guilty and I miss her so much. I feel guilty because I feel like I should have been able to do more and that I should have known that she was worse off than she let on. My mom would tell me I have nothing to feel guilty about and that she'd always be with me.

I also feel like this is something I won't ever get over because she was my best friend. She's the first person I would tell any kind of new news to, but everytime I pick up the phone to call I'm hit with the reality of the situation: that she's not here anymore.

Even as I type this, tears are in my eyes and I know that there won't be a time that I won't cry when thinking about my mom. At least not anytime in the near future. You see, she was best mom a girl could ask for and looking back, I feel she deserved a better daughter than me. She wouldn't agree and threaten to haunt me forever for even thinking that. But, you can't always help the feelings you feel.

I can't even begin to express how much my mom meant to me. She taught me everything and made me the person I am today. I wouldn't be independent, strong or have even one ounce of bravery in me if not for her. She was the strongest woman I've ever known and there's no one on this earth that can ever replace her.

The whole situation was my reason for moving to California to be near B. And there's an Art Institute in San Francisco that I'll being going to so I can get my Associates of Science degree.

My daughter needs me just as much as I needed my mom and it wasn't a hard choice because there wasn't anything holding me back. There's one thing my mom instilled in me that I will never forget: family's the most important thing you can ever have and completely irreplaceable. It's because of her I know the value of being a great mom and life isn't always going to be perfect, but you can always make the best of it.

california was a good idea because . .

1. The weather is awesome and it's always sunny. Seriously. I've been here almost 3 weeks and it hasn't rained once.

2. The people are a lot nicer. Or maybe I'm friendlier because it was my choice to move here.

3. There actual things to do here without looking in the depths of the earth for them. San Francisco's only a 45 minute drive (on a good day) away and Santa Cruz is like right down the street. And plenty of art fairs.

4. The sun is doing wonders for my tan. Like I don't even have to sit in the sun trying to tan; I can be in my car just driving and I get darker.

5. My allergies don't exist here. Neither do B's. It will save a lot of money down the line. Another good thing.

6. I'll be getting my degree at the Art Institute of California in San Fransico. In baking and pastry- my dream degree I get to actually accomplish.

7. The farmer's markets are out of this world. And they're practically everywhere. Fresh, organic fruit and veggies and free samples everywhere you turn. Can you say yummy?

8. There are so many little towns and the main streets are so tiny and cute. You can just stroll through them and make a day of it.

9. It's not Dayton. 'nuff said.

10. The most important reason is I get see a lot more of this than I was going to before:

This is why I write

I finally realized why I love to write. It took a long time to figure it out, but I FINALLY pegged it. It isn't for the same reasons I love reading, not even close. Nope.

It keeps me sane and mellow. Besides B and my mom and all the other people I love, it's the one thing that brings me back to relative normalcy (if that even exists in my world). Seriously, if I'm having a bad day (because some people are total morons), I can talk about it until I'm blue in the face, but writing about something, (it doesn't have to be about what's plaguing me) anything, for that matter, brings me peace.

It's like getting it off my chest in a non-verbal manner is my truest outlet and stress reliever.

How crazy is that? And that really means I need to write more.

I'm So Happy You Exist

I saw this quote earlier and it got me thinking. It's a quote I want to add to a Photoshop design and print it out for B.

Its not for the sentimental part of me (even though I have a huge one). It's just a quote that makes me swell with happiness, because that's really how I feel about my kiddo.

I'm truly happy that she exists. She's made me the mom I am and I wouldn't be half the person I am today if it wasn't for her.

I can't even begin to describe how much that little girl means to me. With everything that happens in my life, good or bad, she's the one part I don't regret or would ever change. I'm so proud to be her momma.

Even when she refuses to take a serious picture. :D




Bub, I love you sooo much.

Star Wars and My 8-Year-Old

When I was growing up, I liked Star Wars a lot. I've seen the original series a few times. My daughter is almost obssessed with it. She reads books upon books upon books involving Jedi adventures. She watches Star Wars: The Clone Wars as often as possible. She has a countdown all set up for the beginning of the 3rd season. One of her absolute favorite songs to listen to on repeat is The Saga Begins by Weird Al Yankovic. She wants to marry Anakin Skywalker when she grows up. Really, she does. She'll even settle for Hayden Christensen. We've had disagreements about him being old enough to be her dad and how I saw him first, so I've got dibs.

I know why she likes him. My girl's got good taste.

I should point out now that as big as her crush on Anakin is, her favorite characters are Ahsoka Tano, an orange Jedi and Padme Naberrie (a.k.a, Queen and Senator Amidala), Ani's wife and mama to Luke and Leia. We promote girl power in our house, what can I say?

A phaser and lightsaber, a girl's best friend.

I know its perfectly normal for her considering who she has for a mother and she's genetically predispositioned to have slight obsessive tendencies for anything that interests her. (It runs in the family, so eventually it will disappear, but I'll still have the pictures of her jumping around the house with a lightsaber) I just find it amazing that she's as into
Star Wars as I was when I was about 12. Who knew we'd be that much alike.

I totally blame her fandom on the fact that I saw Attack of the Clones when I was 7 months pregnant with her.

It's A Sign

Every once in awhile I give up. Well, not really, more like I feel like I don't have what it takes to be a published writer. It's the joys of trying to accomplish something, anything. It's those bad moments that hit me every once in awhile.

I had one of those moments today and I wanted a sign, something to keep me going. I was talking to my daughter and the subject of the future came up. I'm not really sure how, but sometimes she'll say the things I really need to hear. It's nothing to her, but it completely blows my mind away.

I was wondering out loud what I should do after I get out of the military.

Out of the blue, she says, "I know what you're going to be, mommy. A book writer."

Out of the mouths of babes. Such innocent and wide-eyed little people with so much hope, I love it!

2nd Grade Starts Here

Today was the first day of the 2nd grade for my little Brynnbug. She was excited and nervous at the same time, though she'd never admit that she WAS nervous. But nervous she was. So nervous in fact she posed like a 7-year-old diva:

I should point out right now that I didn't teach her any of these moves.



And while my brand new 2nd grader was enjoying her first day of school where was I? I was relaxing at the spa getting a well deserved pedicure in celebration of my 28th year in the world. Really? 28? Where have the last almost 3 decades gone? Somewhere in the past, I know. After my pedi, my mom and went out for a girl's lunch. We finished in enough time to pick up my baby.


There were plenty of stories of new friends and old friends. Not enough math for her, but I have plenty of worksheets to keep her mind occupied. After catching up, we all headed to Texas Roadhouse for a nice family dinner. That of course meant me sitting on a saddle and wearing a cowboy hat (happily I have no blackmail pictures of that). At home, I got my presents. Well, present. Brynn got me the cutest purse that's fully wearable under all conditions and can fit my entire life in it (just the way I want my mom purses to be).

My other present couldn't be wrapped as my mom bought it for me when I was in desperate need of a phone that didn't do things all on its own. My extremely early birthday present is my Blackberry. Most important part of today was spending time with my family and not worrying about work.

All in all, it was a great birthday for only turning 28 the first time. We'll see how 28 it in a couple of years.

It's All In The Genes . . .

Every parent always looks for similarities between yourself and your kids. It's a given to find more things in common. I can see myself in B, in a lot of ways. I used to think that it was her just copying me, but I've found lately that's not true at all. Her dirty looks are all me and the fact that she's always talking (not a bad quality, it's something I really love about her) and she's a big fan of being overdramatic. The last one I chalk up to the fact that she's a girl and it's just what some of us do sometimes. She catches onto any new kind of technology pretty quickly. Like scary kind of quick. She's the girliest girl I've ever met, dresses, skirts, and boots and all, but insists she's a "tomboy girl". She's a tomboy because she likes to play baseball and watch football (she's a huge Patriots and Tom Brady fan, just like her mama. You don't want to be in our house on game day). I love it.

But, I digress. She loves to read. I'm really loves to read. She can sit and read for hours if you'd let her. Everyone on both sides of the family are big readers, so it isn't much of a shock. She started reading "Harry Potter" around the end of June. She finished the first book about a month later. She really wanted to watch the movie (and all the rest, too), but we had a deal that before she saw the movie, she had to read the book first. She can be very stubborn (another family trait) when she wants to, so she finished, and we watched. She was absolutely enthralled and started reading the 2nd book the next day. She was done reading three weeks later (Tuesday afternoon, to be exact) and immediately began reading book 3. As part of our deal, we had a slumber party watched "Chamber of Secrets". She loved the book more, but the movie was pretty good, too.

She's finally starting to understand why I'm such a big fan of reading the book before I see the movie. I'd rather compare the book to the movie, so I at least know where the author was going with their idea. As silly as it seems, the whole books ruinned for me if I watch the movie first because then I'm always comparing the book, thinking in my head "well, that's not what happened in the movie". My brain works a little funkier than most.

It's amazing, though. She's really enjoying those books and is practically eating them up. She can't get enough of books in general. It's great! I love everything about my baby girl, because everything about her is just so her, but this is one trait I'm really proud she has.

A Whole New Age

A birthday moment with me and B

My baby turned 7 today. Every year, I realize that time's going by a lot faster than I'd like it to. I can still remember the nerve racking last night I had before giving birth. I was so nervous and scared and completely convinced myself that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to push a little person out into the world. I was even more convinced I was going to somehow scar this child for life, because what did I know about raising a kid? I was barely 20, and I felt as lost as a puppy in the woods. I've always had the momma instinct, but motherhood was a whole new ballgame I'm still learning day by day. When I held her right after she was born, I was filled with such love and I didn't know you could love someone that much that you just met. And I swear, no matter how much she frustrates me at times, as every year goes by, I love that kiddo more than the last.

It sometimes still scares me a little when I think of that little person putting all her eggs in my basket, assuming everything will be all right and that I'll take care of everything so she can just worry about being a kid. It so much responsibility sometimes that I'm doing a good enough job. But then I look at her, she smiles brightly at me because she's just finished reading three pages of "Harry Potter" all by herself, and I'm filled with this overwhelming sense of pride. I realize she's a great kid and remind myself not to freak out so much. She's a smart, funny, and bright little girl and I'm doing a pretty good job so far.

I've also found that I've grown because of my kiddo. The things that used to bother me, like screaming kids in a restaurant, doesn't even phase me. Even strange things like becoming my daughter's personal towel when she's drying her hands won't make me blink an eye. 10 years ago, maybe, but these days, not even an eyelash.

It's strange how the scariest day of my life was actually the best day I think I'll ever have. I don't think there's anything else in the world that can top the day I became a mommy.

The birthday Princess in her "Princess" nightgown

But my baby's birthday started off with the princess (complete with her Enchanted "Princess" nightgown) opening presents. She enjoyed all her gifts, but in true Brynn fashion, wanted to open every last one of them before she even thought about playing with them. First on the list was the Bumblebee action figure my mom got her and her very first Wii game.

After making her Barbie pony jump a few hurdles and making plenty of money to give her nice and pretty things, we piled in the car to make our way to Chuck E. Cheese, the birthday girl's choice of fun. It was small party of three at her request. We played plenty of skee ball and win more tickets games. She walked away with a few cool "free" prizes. Tired and full of pizza, we headed back home so she could open her last present and eat some cake.

The obligatory Chuck E. Cheese pony ride

She made her wishes and we all sat down to eat chocolate cake with chocolate frosting (again, Brynn's choice). I told her a few stories about the day she was born. I got a little misty eyed as we went through our "Brynn" photo album and received a dirty look because I was "crying" again. All in all, it was a wonderful and relaxing day. Happy birthday, baby, I'm hoping you have another great year.

Homemade chocolate cake. I even spelled "birthday" right this time, ha, ha.

Another special birthday wish