songs on the radio

There's a lot of songs out there that talk about the love a father has for his daughter. I'm cool with that, because the ones that stick around and do a decent job deserve some credit.

What I don't hear are a lot of songs about a mother's love for her daughter. It's like we could never love our daughter's as much as their father could. At least not enough to write a song about it. I have just a tiny problem with that. It could possibly be because my own sperm donor was non-existent in my life, so I would never write a song about how much he cared. Because he didn't. He liked making babies, he just didn't like raising them or being in any part of their lives. My mom was the one who stuck around and sacrificed while sperm donor continued making more babies he didn't give a sh*t about. My mom loved me, my father didn't.

So why can't people write the same number of songs about a mom as they seem to write about a dad?

sleepiness

Every night before I go to bed, I always check in her in room. It's an old habit that will never die hard and it's a habit I don't think I'll ever break. I do it to make sure she's okay, comfortable, and covered.

Most nights she's tossed the sheets as far away from her feet as possible, because she hates her feet being hot. Her stuffed animals she insisted she can't sleep without have been kicked off the island.

And I'm in awe. I get that overwhelming feeling of amazement because once upon time she spent every moment in my belly. I'm amazed that half of everything she is came from me. And right next to that feeling of amazement is that thing called unconditional love. Because I love that kid with everything that's in me.




When she's sleeping, she look like a cutie pie. And it's the only time she won't talk back :D.

gratefulness

I've started a new tactic this year: every morning I wake up and remind myself of all the things I'm grateful for.It's not a very long list, but they're very important to me.

I'm grateful for B. She makes up for any bad in my life and she's probably my reward for not being a completely evil person. She's the best part of me and sometimes I can't believe she was in my belly once upon a time. Its amazing how I can have the worst day in the world, she'll say something like "I think I'll marry this boy at school because we both like books." and I have to laugh because it's so cute and I realize how effing lucky I am to be her mom.

I'm grateful for the mom I had. She was the best. She's the reason I'm strong enough to get up every morning. She's the reason I can still laugh and appreciate the little things in life. Every thing good in me, comes from her.

I'm grateful for my friends. I don't know what I would have done without them these past few months and there's no way they can ever know how much I appreciate them. There's no way I could ever pay them back except when they need me I hope I can be there for them as much as they were around for me.

I'm grateful for life. It's too short to ever take it for granted.

motivation

What motivates me? It's good question. It's different for everyone. I've met a lot of people in the past few months where success is what does it for them. A lot more just want to be better than their classmates. and anyone they come in contact with.
Me, I'm not like that. I never have been and I'm sure as hell not going to start now.

I'm not saying I don't want to be successful. I do and u want to be successful in something I love doing. It's just not what motivates me to keep on going.

My motivation is my happy place.



This person's my happy place and she's my motivation to keep going. Here's my proof, the Christmas card she handmade that caused tears to spill:



The kid believes in me, even when I don't always believe in myself.

That's what keeps me going.

what a girl wants

I'm a huge fan of Colin Firth and not just because he's so good looking (Yes, I realize every movie I like has a guy I think is hot. I know I have a problem and I'm okay with it). I'm also a huge fan of movies set overseas. Because overseas is awesomeness.

This romantic comedy tugged at my heart strings for a number of reasons. Besides the romantic comedy aspect, it's about a girl who's wished to meet her father her entire life and sets out to make that happen. She does find him, but everything isn't what she thought it would be (how many things in life really turn out the way we thought?).

I really love this movie, but I can be an envious creature when watching things that have nothing to do with my life. With an M.I.A father my entire life, I was jealous that she had one that cared that much. At the same time, I was happy she found a dad who cares. I have no issues mentioning that I get teary-eyed every time I watch the end.

is too much, too much?

I realized today that I 5 blogs, not including twitter. There's one I update the most (which isn't as often as I like). One is a book review blog (I need to read more and remember to write about it afterwards). My livejournal is dedicated to fanfiction (yup, i am that girl) and only one person's allowed to read it that I personally know. Tumblr's strictly for my pictures (because posting them in Facebook just isn't enough). Now I just started another one that's going to be dedicated to my baking and cooking (I figure, why not since that's what I'm going to school for, right?)

Its like I have an addiction to having a blog. I can't help myself, but I'm never able to dedicate as much time to them as i'd like to. If I never had to sleep again, I'd have more than enough time. Or if I'd never have to clean the house or do laundry ever again. Basically, if I was rich and didn't have all the extra responsibilities of being an adult. Being a mom is not included in the responsibility realm. I'm talking paying bills.

I'm trying to dedicate at least 30 minutes to all these extracurricular activities that I'd like to do. But sometimes I wonder: how much is too much?

getting the groove back

It's taken some time, but I'm finally back in the frame of mind to want to write again. It kind of came as a surprise that I'm itching to pick up a pen or get on a computer to write and not sit around feeling like a lost puppy. It's the first time in a while I actually want to write, and it makes pretty happy.

I'm on spring break right now and I know the week's going to fly by, but I'm excited about getting some writing, reading and blog updating in before the hectic-ness of school begins again.

I'm really glad this quarter is over, though. The past 11 weeks have somehow managed to be the hardest ever. I'm not sure if it was the homework load or more classes than I could handle, but the quarter left me exhausted. It tested my patience and a little bit of my confidence. It also makes me a little proud I survived it without going completely insane. This mini vacation is just what I need to keep me in the right frame of mind.