How Life Changes . . .

I haven't written in a very long time because truthfully, I didn't have the time or the desire to. It's the beginning of August, but this has been the craziest and worst summer of my life. My daughter turned 9, I ended my time in the military, and my mother passed away.

The latter has been the hardest on me and I'm still trying to deal with it. She'd been sick for a very long time, but she didn't seem that sick. Everything just happened rather quickly. I got to say my goodbyes, but I still feel guilty and I miss her so much. I feel guilty because I feel like I should have been able to do more and that I should have known that she was worse off than she let on. My mom would tell me I have nothing to feel guilty about and that she'd always be with me.

I also feel like this is something I won't ever get over because she was my best friend. She's the first person I would tell any kind of new news to, but everytime I pick up the phone to call I'm hit with the reality of the situation: that she's not here anymore.

Even as I type this, tears are in my eyes and I know that there won't be a time that I won't cry when thinking about my mom. At least not anytime in the near future. You see, she was best mom a girl could ask for and looking back, I feel she deserved a better daughter than me. She wouldn't agree and threaten to haunt me forever for even thinking that. But, you can't always help the feelings you feel.

I can't even begin to express how much my mom meant to me. She taught me everything and made me the person I am today. I wouldn't be independent, strong or have even one ounce of bravery in me if not for her. She was the strongest woman I've ever known and there's no one on this earth that can ever replace her.

The whole situation was my reason for moving to California to be near B. And there's an Art Institute in San Francisco that I'll being going to so I can get my Associates of Science degree.

My daughter needs me just as much as I needed my mom and it wasn't a hard choice because there wasn't anything holding me back. There's one thing my mom instilled in me that I will never forget: family's the most important thing you can ever have and completely irreplaceable. It's because of her I know the value of being a great mom and life isn't always going to be perfect, but you can always make the best of it.

california was a good idea because . .

1. The weather is awesome and it's always sunny. Seriously. I've been here almost 3 weeks and it hasn't rained once.

2. The people are a lot nicer. Or maybe I'm friendlier because it was my choice to move here.

3. There actual things to do here without looking in the depths of the earth for them. San Francisco's only a 45 minute drive (on a good day) away and Santa Cruz is like right down the street. And plenty of art fairs.

4. The sun is doing wonders for my tan. Like I don't even have to sit in the sun trying to tan; I can be in my car just driving and I get darker.

5. My allergies don't exist here. Neither do B's. It will save a lot of money down the line. Another good thing.

6. I'll be getting my degree at the Art Institute of California in San Fransico. In baking and pastry- my dream degree I get to actually accomplish.

7. The farmer's markets are out of this world. And they're practically everywhere. Fresh, organic fruit and veggies and free samples everywhere you turn. Can you say yummy?

8. There are so many little towns and the main streets are so tiny and cute. You can just stroll through them and make a day of it.

9. It's not Dayton. 'nuff said.

10. The most important reason is I get see a lot more of this than I was going to before:

things I learned driving across country

1. It sucks driving across 9 states by yourself. With two vehicles. And no working a.c.

2. Birds are horrible traveling companions. All they do is squawk and complain. They also like to fight with nine-year-olds over who can be louder. No one wins that fight.

3. Out of the billion truck weight stations from Ohio to California (they're mandatory for huge trucks, by the way), only two are actually open.

4. B and I are very cranky when we're hungry. And when we're sweaty and hot. We are too much alike to be stuck in uncomfortable situations like this.

5. July is the worst time of year to move. Period. It's hot and brings out the worst in people.

6. Certain cities with crazy drivers expect you to drive just like them, even if you have a car hitched to a truck and out of state license plates. And they will let you know how un-crazy you're driving vocally and with looks (I'm looking at you, L.A.).

7. When traveling with kids, if you stay at 7 hotels with 7 pools, you will swim in each and every pool no matter how cold the water is.

8. Phoenix is effing hot in the middle of the summer, like the barely being able to breath kinda hot. As in you just bought your kid an Icee and it melted halfway on the 30 second walk back to the car.

9. Mountains are really scary. Especially when they reach an elevation of 6,000 feet.

10. I refuse to ever do it again. I realized there's a reason people leave it to moving companies when uprooting their lives.

11. After making this trip, I found out I can handle almost anything that comes my way.

Rules to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Just a few things to remember when a zombie apocalypse happens in your neighborhood:

1. When in a room with someone who's just become a zombie, don't just stand there like a moron looking at them in shock, run for your life.

2. The dog will be fine, I promise you. The zombies are too slow for him. And they really don't want him.

3. Aim for the head. Seriously, I don't know how much I can stress this. Whether its a gun, arrow, knife or baseball bat, aim for the head. It's the only way to really take them.

4. If you're a douche bag hanging out with other survivors and you do douchey things, like strand others or push some innocent person around, you will eventually die. And no one will miss you. Or care.

5. Once the military's in the picture (because they will be, it's just how those things go) rank goes out the window. Really far out the window because it's all about survival at that point. No one cares that you used to be a colonel when somethings trying to eat and kill you.

6. If you choose to stay on the road, steal a really big SUV. Avoid any vehicles that lack windows or doors. You are trying to survive, after all. Hell, steal an effing Humvee. Who's going to really need at that point? Zombies can't drive. I say go big or go home. How much trouble would you be in? There won't enough cops to do anything about it.

7. Hole out in a huge, well protected place. If it's a mall, go for it. There will be plenty of shopping to be had. Preferably one that has a grocery store in it. You won't have to worry about food until the power goes out.

8. Load up on as many weapons as possible. You may not know how to use them yet, but you can learn. You'll have plenty of time on your hands to teach yourself.

9. Where ever you end up, please make sure you lock the door. Just because zombies are dead doesn't mean they won't have the luck to accidentally open the door.

10. Never go anywhere by yourself. It's just an unspoken rule. Anything can happen when wandering by yourself. Like being attacked. By zombies.

11. When on the run and taking off in a car, make sure you lock all the windows and doors. (See # 9) It might just save your life.

12. Stick with your family. You'd never be able to live with yourself if you left them behind (unless you really don't like your family and in that case a zombie apocalypse really won't help your issues).

13. When the world starts over, because it will eventually, try not to act like zombies aren't on the other side of the wall. Chances are they're still out there and they still want your pretty, pretty brains.

14. People will go crazy. That is just a fact when facing the end of the world. Try to avoid these crazies; they never bring anything good with them.

These are just some things I've learned while watching zombie movie marathons. I take a lot of notes when watching zombie movies and The Walking Dead. And I sometimes put too much thought into what would happen if the world suddenly ceased to exist and everyone that died sprung back to life trying to eat me.

Let's just say I'm well prepared in the event that it does happen.

Of course, knowing my luck when that happens I'll be in the middle of the desert, far away from civilization.

Terminator: Salvation

And so the movie list continues.

I've already pointed out that I'm a huge fan of the Terminator series. I have yet to figure out exactly why, but it's one of my faves. One very real possibility is it was one of the first movies I remember watching as a kid with my mom and therefore, set off my love of movies. Terminator: Salvation is my second favorite for a few reasons.

The first and most important is: Kyle Reese. Yes, he shows up. A much younger and very teenage version of himself, but he's there nonetheless. When I found out about that I squealed. Very loudly. With no one else around, of course. Any movie (or show) that has Kyle Reese in it, makes me a very happy girl.

Second, we get to see Kyle meeting his son for the first time. Really couldn't happen, but hey, it makes me happy and brings a tear to my eye. Because its really the only Kyle will ever know his son but will never know it's his son. Ever. Its so bittersweet. And John? He gets to spend some quality time with the dad he's waited his whole life to meet. How depressing is that?

But I like thinking that Kyle knew there was some kind of familial connection underneath it all. Deep down he probably figured out that there was something more to their friendship (his biggest tip off might have been the disbelieving looks shot at him or the fact that John was specifically looking for him)

Everything kind of comes full circle at this point. Like they really don't need to make another Terminator movie ever. Unless it ends with John sending his dad back in time.

Royal Weddings

I've spent a lot of time bitching about it the last couple of weeks because that seems to be the only thing the news and media outlets can talk about. Because there's nothing else going on in the world. A huge tornado hitting the south, anyone? Of course. That's less important than the "wedding of the century". What was I thinking?

Moving on. I don't begrudge anyone their happy day. Even if it's going to be publicized on every news channel because no one has gotten married before this. Ever.

It's funny, though. When Will's parents got married, I was still in my momma's belly, but I would have watched it if I'd been old enough because I wanted to be a princess and watching a royal wedding was the closest I'd have been able to get.

And of course I was one of those many girls who dreamed that someday she'd be standing next to William in a pretty white dress. I had the biggest crush on him back in the '90's.

I've since outgrown the crush (his younger brother's pretty hot)

See? He turned into quite the hottie

And I really am happy he found his princess. She's seems like a sweetheart and has that easy-going charm that Princess Diana had. They seem pretty good together and like they bring out the best in each other. Overall, they seem geniunely happy and in love.

They really are a striking pair. And I want that ring.

So yes, as much as I groaned about what a pain in the ass it seems to be, I will be watching the wedding because the little princess in me insists on it. And I want to see her wedding dress. Plus, Harry's the best man. He'll be in his uniform (insert cat mrwrow here).

I will not, however, get up at the crack of dawn to watch it live. I will already be up because I'll be working a night shift. And we all know there won't be anything else on TV tomorrow at 5AM.

This is why I write

I finally realized why I love to write. It took a long time to figure it out, but I FINALLY pegged it. It isn't for the same reasons I love reading, not even close. Nope.

It keeps me sane and mellow. Besides B and my mom and all the other people I love, it's the one thing that brings me back to relative normalcy (if that even exists in my world). Seriously, if I'm having a bad day (because some people are total morons), I can talk about it until I'm blue in the face, but writing about something, (it doesn't have to be about what's plaguing me) anything, for that matter, brings me peace.

It's like getting it off my chest in a non-verbal manner is my truest outlet and stress reliever.

How crazy is that? And that really means I need to write more.

I'm So Happy You Exist

I saw this quote earlier and it got me thinking. It's a quote I want to add to a Photoshop design and print it out for B.

Its not for the sentimental part of me (even though I have a huge one). It's just a quote that makes me swell with happiness, because that's really how I feel about my kiddo.

I'm truly happy that she exists. She's made me the mom I am and I wouldn't be half the person I am today if it wasn't for her.

I can't even begin to describe how much that little girl means to me. With everything that happens in my life, good or bad, she's the one part I don't regret or would ever change. I'm so proud to be her momma.

Even when she refuses to take a serious picture. :D




Bub, I love you sooo much.

YA Historical Fiction Challenge

Just another challenge. I'm not as big on historical fiction as I used to be, so I'm only trying for level 1, 5 books in a year. We'll see if that can become more. You can sign up here.

100 Books In A Year

It says it all. I'm trying to read 100 or more books this year. I'm really trying that this time, because I've got a huge stack of books I really need to read, so this'll get me going.

Wish I'd Read That Challenge

Yup, I like this challenge. Basically, it's for everything you wish you'd read but never have time for. I'm going for obssessed, which is the 20 book challenge, because I like aiming high.