I guess it's a good thing when I have less blog drafts than published posts. It kind of makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, rather than spending copious of time on Tumblr. Which I totally don't do.
My number of drafts on this blog have dwindled and there are twice as many posted updates. Yay! I blame the new school and the new major. But it's the best kind of blame. I feel more creative because I get to do about a billion more creative things than I did in culinary.
And I'm not saying culinary isn't creative, it's very creative. Just not for this girl. My brain doesn't work on a culinary level like it does on a techie level. It seems so much easier for me and it doesn't hurt my head. Even as I write this post, I'm done with all my homework for this week and I was assigned it yesterday. I wrote character backgrounds for my latest novel and ten more ideas came to me.
I dunno. It makes me feel like I'm back to normal.
Well, as normal as I can get, anyway.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
time for a change
When I think back to my younger self, specifically between 21 and 22, I realize something. I was more organized and had everything running like a well-timed train.
I feel I was so much more put together when I was a newbie mom than I am being a 10-year veteran in the field of motherhood. I had everything on my sticky pad checked off and the only things I had to write down were the things I had to get done. And they always got done. I had time to read books. I had time to write. I didn't feel overwhelmed with life.
I'm not exactly sure what's happened, but over the last few years, I've stopped being that person. It really bothers me at times because she had all her sh*t together and I feel like I drop the ball a lot. I feel things are sometimes out of control for me. I seem to never have enough time for anything.
I don't know what it is and frankly, I'm pretty of sick of it. It's like the confidence I had in myself back then disappeared or took a really long hiatus. Another thing that probably hasn't helped is the fact that I don't have anybody to really talk to. The one person that was my sounding board on everything isn't around anymore. My closest friends all have their own things going on and are too far away. One of them can't bother to call a person back after you called to congratulate them on their new baby. Two months ago (I'm not bitching. It's the plain truth. I might be worried that they'd read this, but I know they won't).
I guess it's me. I've always known I'm a hard person to get to know or understand, but I didn't realize I was that bad. But I digress.
But now it's time for that crap to end. I'm tired of feeling like I haven't accomplished anything. I'm sick to death of how sucky my life's been and the fact that I even let it get that bad. I'm not proud of it and I'm done with feeling like . . . well, crap. So, I'm done with that feeling.
I refuse to let it pop back up and it's not welcome ever again.
I feel I was so much more put together when I was a newbie mom than I am being a 10-year veteran in the field of motherhood. I had everything on my sticky pad checked off and the only things I had to write down were the things I had to get done. And they always got done. I had time to read books. I had time to write. I didn't feel overwhelmed with life.
I'm not exactly sure what's happened, but over the last few years, I've stopped being that person. It really bothers me at times because she had all her sh*t together and I feel like I drop the ball a lot. I feel things are sometimes out of control for me. I seem to never have enough time for anything.
I don't know what it is and frankly, I'm pretty of sick of it. It's like the confidence I had in myself back then disappeared or took a really long hiatus. Another thing that probably hasn't helped is the fact that I don't have anybody to really talk to. The one person that was my sounding board on everything isn't around anymore. My closest friends all have their own things going on and are too far away. One of them can't bother to call a person back after you called to congratulate them on their new baby. Two months ago (I'm not bitching. It's the plain truth. I might be worried that they'd read this, but I know they won't).
I guess it's me. I've always known I'm a hard person to get to know or understand, but I didn't realize I was that bad. But I digress.
But now it's time for that crap to end. I'm tired of feeling like I haven't accomplished anything. I'm sick to death of how sucky my life's been and the fact that I even let it get that bad. I'm not proud of it and I'm done with feeling like . . . well, crap. So, I'm done with that feeling.
I refuse to let it pop back up and it's not welcome ever again.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
b starts making lovey eyes at ryan gosling
We watched "Remember the Titans" this past weekend. It was B's first time because she's always giving me that stink eye look when I'd say "Left side - Strong side". So for my sanity's sake (and because I wanted to see Opie before he started sprouting that not so attractive beard) we made it our movie night choice.
Since it's a Disney family type flick, there wasn't much I had to worry about shielding her from. And since it's a football movie, nothing could be wrong with it. We got to the part when they went to that 2 week football summer camp when the inevitable happened.
I can't even say I was surprised that it happened at all. Coach Denzel was making the players get to know each other. Ryan Gosling was torturing his roommate with Beatles songs sung by Ringo Starr (and doing an awful, awful dance to go along with it). She wanted to see it again. And then repeated how funny that part was.
Cut to the locker room scene when everyone's buddy-buddy with each other. And Ryan Gosling danced again. Like he was having spasms. She giggled and had me rewind it 3 times before I put my foot down.
That's about the time I realized my little girl thought 20-year-old Ryan Gosling was cute. And now she's got a mini-sized crush on him. It's also around the time it hit me that she really is my kid. She's already liking boys (I'll leave the crush on the boy in her class for another time) and she thinks Ryan Gosling's cute. She definitely has my taste (and she's already slightly boy crazy).
I think I'll be really worried in a few years when she's watching some movie with Mr. Gosling in it and she's ogling him while he's the shirtless good looking man he is today.
But, knowing my kid, it'll probably be Chris Hemsworth or Chris Evans.
Ahem. There's a reason I don't let her read my blog yet. :D
Since it's a Disney family type flick, there wasn't much I had to worry about shielding her from. And since it's a football movie, nothing could be wrong with it. We got to the part when they went to that 2 week football summer camp when the inevitable happened.
I can't even say I was surprised that it happened at all. Coach Denzel was making the players get to know each other. Ryan Gosling was torturing his roommate with Beatles songs sung by Ringo Starr (and doing an awful, awful dance to go along with it). She wanted to see it again. And then repeated how funny that part was.
Cut to the locker room scene when everyone's buddy-buddy with each other. And Ryan Gosling danced again. Like he was having spasms. She giggled and had me rewind it 3 times before I put my foot down.
That's about the time I realized my little girl thought 20-year-old Ryan Gosling was cute. And now she's got a mini-sized crush on him. It's also around the time it hit me that she really is my kid. She's already liking boys (I'll leave the crush on the boy in her class for another time) and she thinks Ryan Gosling's cute. She definitely has my taste (and she's already slightly boy crazy).
I think I'll be really worried in a few years when she's watching some movie with Mr. Gosling in it and she's ogling him while he's the shirtless good looking man he is today.
But, knowing my kid, it'll probably be Chris Hemsworth or Chris Evans.
Ahem. There's a reason I don't let her read my blog yet. :D
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