That's what I'm taking from Facebook, twitter, and Tumblr. A break from these social medias is what I really need right now.
There's two reasons:
1) I'm all for freedom of speech, but some people need to learn when silence is golden. I don't always agree with everyone's opinion but I respect their right to say it, but when there's rudeness involved when I have a opinion, I really have to draw the line and step back. My mom always told me I was extremely opinionated and vocal. And I don't want to say something that I'll regret, so taking a break from all the ignorance I've been seeing is the best idea for everyone. I like my friends and I'd like to keep them, so this temporary parting of ways is great for everyone: I don't shoot my mouth off and they don't get offended. See? Happy resolution for everybody.
2) the second and most important reason for this break? I don't seem to get much done because those social media's are far too distracting for me and that is just not working anymore. I want and need to get things done that actually matter and Facebook shouldn't be on my priority list. So I'm taking it off my list. School, photography, writing and reading are on the top of that list (not including the kiddo, of course). I need to clear my head and worry about me for a little bit.
After my break, I might check them out every couple of days, but that's it. I'm still going to blog, but that's the extent of my upcoming social media. So my blogs will still pop up on Facebook, just not me :)
If you need to get a hold of me, you can text me.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
some days I'm okay
Some days I really am okay. Everything's good, I'm happy and the world seems on an even keel. Everything in life is going really well.
And then there are the bad moments. Those are the times that suck. Those are the ones I dread. They start off woth perfectly normal, "okay" days. Then something happens, a song on a radio, a book I see, or a a TV show scene and its July of 2011 all over again. I feel helpless, alone and inconsolable. All I want to do is find a dark room to curl up in and cry. It always happens at the most inconvenient moments, too.
I kind of hate those moments. Not because they sometimes happen at the most inopportune moments that make me feel like Brendan Fraser's sensitive guy in Bedazzled.
It's because I feel okay most of the time and suddenly I'm not. Suddenly I'm a little girl who just wants her mommy to make everything okay again. All I want is to pick up the phone and tell her how crappy I'm feeling at that moment because she was the person I'd call when I had a bad or good moment. But I can't anymore and that makes it worse.
I'll get sad and wonder why some girls get to keep their moms for longer than 30 thirty, whether they like them or not. I'll wonder where the fairness is in that - Why did she have to get sick? Why couldn't she be cured? Why is she the one missing out on her grand kid's biggest moments, biggest achievements? Why did she have to leave me?
Then there's the guilt. The guilt is sometimes worse than the sadness. The guilt that I couldn't do more for her, that I couldn't save her, that I'm still here and she's not. And with the guilt and sadness come a few tears that I feel makes me look like an unhinged mess.
But then there's a little voice in the back of my head and it's usually my mom's (not in some creepy Norman Bates kind of way, it's more a friendly reminder of what my mom always said during her last year) She didn't want me to stop living just because she wasn't around. She wouldn't want me wallowing in self pity. A couple of minutes here and there, but not lying and bed refusing to get out. That's what she always said. That and if I became like one of those hoarders on TV that refused to get rid of any of her stuff, she'd haunt me until I got my act together.
That's usually around the time I realize I was kind lucky to have had her in my life for as long as I did, that I had her for a mom. Some people lose their mom's before they're old enough to walk. B and I were both lucky enough to have had her to spend time with. It's kind of my "ah" moment.
So, yeah.
Some days I'm okay.
And then there are the bad moments. Those are the times that suck. Those are the ones I dread. They start off woth perfectly normal, "okay" days. Then something happens, a song on a radio, a book I see, or a a TV show scene and its July of 2011 all over again. I feel helpless, alone and inconsolable. All I want to do is find a dark room to curl up in and cry. It always happens at the most inconvenient moments, too.
I kind of hate those moments. Not because they sometimes happen at the most inopportune moments that make me feel like Brendan Fraser's sensitive guy in Bedazzled.
It's because I feel okay most of the time and suddenly I'm not. Suddenly I'm a little girl who just wants her mommy to make everything okay again. All I want is to pick up the phone and tell her how crappy I'm feeling at that moment because she was the person I'd call when I had a bad or good moment. But I can't anymore and that makes it worse.
I'll get sad and wonder why some girls get to keep their moms for longer than 30 thirty, whether they like them or not. I'll wonder where the fairness is in that - Why did she have to get sick? Why couldn't she be cured? Why is she the one missing out on her grand kid's biggest moments, biggest achievements? Why did she have to leave me?
Then there's the guilt. The guilt is sometimes worse than the sadness. The guilt that I couldn't do more for her, that I couldn't save her, that I'm still here and she's not. And with the guilt and sadness come a few tears that I feel makes me look like an unhinged mess.
But then there's a little voice in the back of my head and it's usually my mom's (not in some creepy Norman Bates kind of way, it's more a friendly reminder of what my mom always said during her last year) She didn't want me to stop living just because she wasn't around. She wouldn't want me wallowing in self pity. A couple of minutes here and there, but not lying and bed refusing to get out. That's what she always said. That and if I became like one of those hoarders on TV that refused to get rid of any of her stuff, she'd haunt me until I got my act together.
That's usually around the time I realize I was kind lucky to have had her in my life for as long as I did, that I had her for a mom. Some people lose their mom's before they're old enough to walk. B and I were both lucky enough to have had her to spend time with. It's kind of my "ah" moment.
So, yeah.
Some days I'm okay.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
wow . . .
There are times when I'm really glad certain kids aren't mine. The 9-year-old girl who threw of full on tantrum with foot stomping and loud shrieking in the library because she wasn't allowed to request some book she wanted is one of the those kids. Apparently whenever this kid is told "no" the normal reaction is to throw a hissy-fit until mom and dad give in (which really wonders in their household because that kid totally got what she wanted and didn't even say thank you).
She should be very lucky I'm not her mother. There's no way my kid would have acted like that. This in not me tooting my perfection in motherhood, because B and I have our own issues. My kid wouldn't have acted like that because we would have left the library before she could even raise her voice to screeching level.
One of the few things I've learned as a mom? Giving the kids exactly what they want whenever they want will lead to spoiled and ungrateful kids that will try to walk all over you. Besides, how are they ever going to learn the value of anything if they always get what they want.
She should be very lucky I'm not her mother. There's no way my kid would have acted like that. This in not me tooting my perfection in motherhood, because B and I have our own issues. My kid wouldn't have acted like that because we would have left the library before she could even raise her voice to screeching level.
One of the few things I've learned as a mom? Giving the kids exactly what they want whenever they want will lead to spoiled and ungrateful kids that will try to walk all over you. Besides, how are they ever going to learn the value of anything if they always get what they want.
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