my big fat gypsy wedding

I know I complain about reality t.v. because I think most of the ideas they're coming up with are a waste of time and just plain stupid.

Duck Dynasty?

Parking Wars?

Shipping Wars?

Dance Moms?

At this rate, anyone with a missing toe can get a show. It's ridiculous how much time and money is wasted on reality television. It makes me want to get rid of cable altogether. When I watch TV, I want to escape real life (or the made up version of life called reality TV) by watching something completely made up, like True Blood, Suits, Supernatural or The Walking Dead. See? Made up stuff with actual character development.

How come they don't have a show about working moms? Is it not dramatic enough for people to want to watch? Is it just not intriguing to watch a mom struggle without adding made-up sh*t into the mix?

But I digress. There is one show I pride on it being my dirty little secret. My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. I can't help but watch it. Not for the quality programming, but the whole gypsy/traveller lifestyle is seriously fascinating to me.

Their way of life and how different it is than mine just intrigues me to no end. They raise their children in a completely opposite frame of mind compared to how I was raised and how I'm bringing up my kid.

The guys are in charge and women are second class citizens that drop out of school when they're practically babies (11 and 12-ish) to learn how to keep how house and take care of the younger siblings. The biggest things the girls look forward to is their first communion and their wedding day. And they go all out with their dresses, cakes and decorations. They can barely move in their dresses and the female party guests look like they shopped at a strip club.

This is normal for them. Not so much for me.

The girls get married fairly young. So young, I'd be considered an old spinster. They're not really allowed to date, and if they do, it's chaperoned by a male in their family. And they start popping out kids pretty quickly.

And I get it. It weirds me out because as a teen my mom wouldnt have even let those outfits in the door and that's their culture and how they were raised. I know I would never fit into their way of life.

Since the show is somewhat popular on TLC, we had to come up with our own version of the show. My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. One of the worst best ideas ever.

I have so many issues about this show, but they may come off very rude and offensive. I was always told if you don't have anhything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And my thoughts on this show would probably piss people off to no end. So.

That being said, TLC is having a My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding marathon on as I'm writing this. I could totally change the channel, but it's like watching a train wreck. You just can't help it. I realized the show makes me said. But not in a good-natured it's-just-reality-TV. It just makes me think how far reality TV has come in the worst possible way.

where the green grass grows

I heard this song on the radio on my way home from school last night and like a lot of songs, it took me back to a very specific time in my life.
This particular Tim McGraw song sends me straight back to my tech school days at Ft. Meade when I was still an 18 year old kid.

It reminds me of Swayla, her mothering ways and that time we got into it and I swear she was going to smack me upside my head. I laugh about it now because if she would've, I wouldn't blame her - I had it coming because I was kind of a brat.

It takes me back to my crazy ass roommate that wanted to wax our two feet of floor space- weekly. It's one reason we didn't stay roommates for long. The other is she was kind of crazy.

It makes me think of Kristin and her sadness that Shane graduated. Her sadness didn't last long because he ended up stationed nearby and they got married the following year. They're still happily married and have 4 gorgeous kids.

Trina rounds up the trio and she had ended up with the stinkiest roommate of all time until she swapped and became Kristin's roommate. She's from Georgia and looks like the sweetest thing. And she is- just don't piss her off :-D

Mostly the song reminds me of my first friends in the Air Force and when I first met them. Kristin and I were in the same basic training flight. I met Swayla and Trina while we all waited at the airport for our ride to Ft. Meade. The four of us ended up stationed in Colorado Springs for our first assignment after we graduated tech school. It's crazy how much has changed since we all met about 13 years ago. We've grown and so have our families: we have about 10 kids between us. We've all changed and became even better people.

So the Tim McGraw song? I don't hear it that often, but when I do, it makes me think of those girls and it always makes me smile.




(just ignore that girl off to the left and the one in the middle- those are the unnamed roommates)

Look at how young and very......blue we were.

california girls

The kiddo insists that we celebrate with ice cream and popcorn. Because we're both officially California girls. Literally.

One year ago, after a almost a week traveling across the country, we finally arrived in Cali.

It's been a big year of firsts for both of us. It was the first time in a long time I've lived in a place that I didn't completely hate. Like even in the worst moments, I didn't wish the place into it's own personal hell.

It was the first full year B spent at one school and had both of her parents in the same city. It was my first full year back at school, first for culinary, then I changed my major to photo. I also became a an official resident of another state for the first time in 30 years (Illinois, it was fun, but we've had to part ways), even though I will always be a chicago girl at heart. No matter what.

And for a year, it wasn't too bad. If anything, I think everything fell into place. I kinda fell in love with the city I live in, which is really a first for me because the last city I fell in love with was Rome. Go figure it'd be a city in California.




Yup, it's good to be California girls.

regrets

One of the most important lessons my momma taught me was really simple:
No regrets.

When I die, I don't want to look back on my life and realize what I should have done differently. Or what I should have done. And things that happen that ended badly or completely unexpectedly? Learn and grown- don't let it eat you up inside.

Which brings me to my current decision. A year ago I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I thought I had everything planned out perfectly. I would get my degree in Baking & Pastry. Open my own cupcakery. Yada, yada.

And then 6 months into my first year of school, I had doubts that this was what I really wanted. I still liked baking, but i'd watch my other classmates and everything culinary related came naturally to them. I, on the other hand, would be pulling my hair out from nerves.

And then there was last quarter. I had 2 really great culinary teachers (both bakers) and I learned a lot. About baking and about myself. These teachers loved what they did. They loved baking and everything it entails. I did not have that same passion.

I hated getting up in the morning to go to class. The commute and the early hours added to the disgruntled feelings I was developing. But it wasn't exciting to me like it was to everyone else.

I realized I didn't like cooking the way I should if I was going to a culinary school. And it was ten times harder for me because nothing came naturally to me.

So I thought long and hard. And it wasn't an easy decision, either. I decided it was time for a change. So on my 3 week summer break, I visited the Art Institute of Cali in Sunnyvale. The fact that it's only a 30 minute commute daily instead of an hour and a half (more if I hit traffic) was enough to seal the deal. That I could change my major to something I'd prefer is a plus.

This week I start working on my Digital Photography degree. I think this works better for me. I get the fun of being behind the camera and working on computers. Believe me when I say that I'm 100 times more comfy working on a computer than I've ever felt in a kitchen.

And photography's the job I wanted when I first found out my job was graphics when I joined the military.

This whole post ties in together. If I'd continued down the culinary path, I'd end up completely despising it. And thats nothing I want to happen. If I'm going to have a career, it should at least be something I'd enjoy just a little.
And If I stayed in baking and pastry, I'd have regrets my whole life.

So see? No regrets. :-D

one year

It's been a year today since my world hit rock bottom. It hasn't been the easiest year. I have days when everything seems normal and great, and suddenly it hits me that my mom's not here anymore and I'm overwhelmed with emotions I can't seem to control.

But I have more good days than bad and I have my mom to thank for that. I wouldn't be the strong person I am today.

The loss and guilt I feel will never be completely gone, no matter what anyone says. But it gets easier with each passing day.

But still. Its hard to put into words how big of an impact losing her was in my life. And all I can really say is: I miss my mommy and I wish she was still here.

We love you and miss you more than you'll ever know.